An Auspicious Welcome from the Club Secretary’s Sub-Secretarial Auto-Procurement (Proto-Stawski Model No. 74.0) Facsimile Replicator
Due to popular demand, after much deliberation and research (the actual original document is of a size that even we cannot describe), the following small sections of the hereunto top-secret Club Bullwinkle Club Constitution have been extracted from The Moose’s Vault and released into the public domain. Read ahead if you have the constitution, fortitude, temerity, time to waste and you even give a damn:
Section 42, Subsection 69, Clause 555.55:
Thou shalt automatically become imbued with life membership of Club Bullwinkle upon initial representation of the Club in an interclub match of any reasonable description (that is, a match recognised as being as such, (that is to say, a so-called official match or official clubs or clubs’ teams’ representative tournament that matches a description as such, etc; be that as it may in the activity in the game and play of chess (echecs)) and that being in the spirit of fair, decent, honourable and non-uninteresting competition; preferably, but not necessarily so, held under beach umbrellas at low tide with a side of fresh crayfish and mango juice).
Life Membership is for life, however, a player, person, entity or other may resign their club membership at any time, or have it suspended or terminated, in particular circumstances, through a process known at any given time only to those who are current office-bearers of the club. Appeals to such decisions must be paid in 5 cent coins and sugar jubes.
Those greatly esteemed warriors for whom this life has passed and for whom a life membership had previously been bestowed, shall be endowed with the extra title of “Immortal Membership” (R.I.P. our dear David Lavercombe, Jessica Horton and Kieron Olm-Milligan).
Section 12344321, Subsection 8, Clause B1TE M3
All members of Club Bullwinkle shall be billed a standard membership fee of $AUD 0.001 per year to cover the numerous costs associated with the running of Club Bullwinkle (especially the maintenance and care costs incurred by the club’s menagerie of mascots, the lolly jar procurement fund and the depreciation on the value of the BIMRAUD’s numerous mispublications and gambling investments).
At the end of the (Australian) financial year, any member who has not settled said invoice shall firstly be hunted down by a robotic candy cane bearing a taser, a pict and a sack of bad aftershave. If the candy cane malfunctions on the way out of the door (a frequent occurrence), the member shall henceforth consider themselves most fortunate to have their unpaid invoice waived indefinitely. Filthy rich members may volunteer to pay the premium membership fee instead ($AUD 1,275,821.34 per month) if that’s what they need to really get their kicks.
Section T 88888 Subsection BU11 Clause 86 3rd Movement Opus 21
All members shall endevour to help the club to fulfill its objectives. Some of these include:
* Stamping out bad fashion in Queensland tournaments
* Pressuring the CAQ inc. to ban all tournament play between dawn and high noon
* Good Health
* Wise Words
* A better deal for whales
* A finer appreciation of hippopotamuses (“No longer shall I wallow like a hippo!”)
* Restrictions in the importation of chess products made in China
* More interesting lunch menus
All items hence contained within Club Bullwinkle’s constitution may only be changed by a two-thirds majority vote in the affirmative, with no fewer than one abstention, of the ACOPACBAM (Australian Coalition Of Parliaments, Affiliates (of) Club Bullwinkle And Mascots). All correspondence entered into by all correspondents shall be corresponded to the correct hippopotamus. Now where in the hell is that Sigue Sigue Sputnik CD? …….. and … how did I get here?